I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
