so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
