first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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