I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
