Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
