so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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