you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
