All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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