the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
