I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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