the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
