Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
