I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How's work?
Spinning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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