hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
