I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
