she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
