Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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