please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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