Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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