It's Friday. Sex?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
