So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
