You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
