I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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