Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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