I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
