That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
