Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
