Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
