i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
