He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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