Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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