dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
