But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
