This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
