I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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