I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
