im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
