I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
