I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
