Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
