best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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