Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
