God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
