Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
