hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize