I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
