so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
