you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
