I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
