youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
