you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
