The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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