So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
