Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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