Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
