Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am midnight drunk by noon
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
