I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
