I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
