So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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