I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize