i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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