Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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