Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
