It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
