Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize