The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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