Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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