Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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