so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
