Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
