well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
