I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
